How To Come Out As Bi


One of our fans recently asked: How To Come Out As Bi?

This is one of the most asked questions. Many people don’t feel like they have to come out as bi. Others, feel like their sexuality is completely dismissed as most people view the world comprised of only straight people and gay people.

Sexuality is a spectrum and it is definitely more complicated than just the options of being straight or gay.

Coming out as a bisexual person is a bit different than coming out as gay or lesbian. Let’s get right into discussing exactly how to come out as bi with the following 4 tips…


1. Coming Out As Bi Is A Continuous Process

Before you come out, you have to understand that coming out as bi is not just “one and done.” You will likely not only have to come out to everyone you know one time, but you will have to continue coming out to people if you want it to be known that you are bisexual.

A lot of people have many misconceptions about what bisexuality is. Many people think that if a bisexual person is dating or married to the opposite sex, then they are now straight. Likewise, if they are with same sex partner, then they are assumed to be completely gay.

Although this is a big misconception, people will likely not understand and will keep assuming such things. Therefore, you will likely have to come out as a bisexual for the rest of your life.

This is not a good or bad thing, it simply means that you have to be aware of how other around you perceive things and allow yourself not to be bothered by it.

You know your true sexuality, whether others accept it or not, should not make your life any different. Coming out to others should serve as a personal empowerment, and not as something that brings us down.

2. The Need To Come Out As Bi

Ok, now that you understand that you will likely have to come out all the time, it’s time to ask yourself whether or not it’s important to come out. Here are some reasons to come out you may have not considered before:

As we stated earlier, many bisexual people choose not to disclose that they are bi until they are dating or marrying a same sex partner. This is definitely a perfect time to come out, especially if you want your family or your circle of friends to get to know them and embrace them as your loved one.

What about if you are with an opposite sex partner, is it necessary to come out? This is the question only you can answer. Your relationship is likely to seem as a “straight” relationship to people who don’t know you well enough. Some people care about how others observe them; while other people don’t. Being bisexual is not just about who you are having sex with, it’s also about how you feel, how you think, and more. By coming out in this situation, you can fully express to others how you feel and not hide behind the idea that people think you are straight. Hiding self-identity can be very damaging even if seems like it does no harm.

You may need to weigh your personal needs. A lot of bisexual people come out because they are not willing to sacrifice the truth even if it’s misunderstood. In fact, the more bisexual people come out, the better understanding the rest of the people will have about what bisexuality is. Thus, your coming out may even help other bisexual people to be understood.

Another thing to consider is knowing yourself. Sometimes being attracted to multiple genders can be confusing. Coming out can help you understand yourself better, it can open up doors to new social groups in which you will feel comfortable exploring your sexuality further.

You also want to consider your partner and how they feel about your sexuality. Coming out to your partner is always the best thing to do. If your partner is straight or gay, they may not understand where you are coming from. They may even have their own preconceived notions about your relationship (some may simply think that you are straight or gay). Having a conversation with them is a must. This will not only help you build a long lasting relationship, but will also help them understand your sexuality better. In any relationship, communication is key.

3. Come Out On Your Own Terms

Ok, now that you have decided to come out as bi, you must do it on your own terms. You may want to come out to some people, but not others, or you may want to announce it on your Facebook status and change your sexual preference to “both.”

In many cases, it’s recommended to sit down and talk with family members in a private setting, while coming out to friends can be done over the phone or in a social environment.

You are the only one who can decide what is the best way to come out as bi. The process in itself can be very nerve wrecking, but making sure that you are coming out when you feel most at ease can help you deal with the situation better.

We recently posted an article named: “7 Horrible Mistakes To Avoid When You Are Coming Out“; we highly recommend that you check it out before taking the leap.

4. Research Questions Which Your Friends And Family Might Have

Bisexuals are likely to get a different batch of questions from gay and lesbian counterparts. Make sure you research some questions that people may ask you when you come out. Some of those questions may include:

  • How will you choose a person to marry
  • Are you totally a straight now/gay now?
  • How can you be please by one or the other sex if you like both?
  • Can we have a threesome? (Ok this is a very stupid one, but it gets asked a lot and it’s very annoying.)
  • Maybe it’s just a phase and you will figure it out one day

People have a very little to no understand of what bisexual is. They may know of some stereotypes of bisexuals through media, so they are likely to be very uninformed.

Most people will likely ask you many questions. Do your research and be prepared to answer them. If nothing else, you will be able to answer those questions to yourself (and that’s a wonderful part of getting to know your sexuality.)

Do not engage in any arguments, simply state your points and stay calm. Any question that is being brought up is likely not to come from a place of attack. Although it may bother you a little bit, do not take it personal. Any argument will make the situation worse.